And now we get the news that Tesco is rolling-out facial recognition scanners at its petrol stations so advertisements can be tailored to individual shoppers. Big Brother, or in this case Alan Sugar, is definitely watching you. Lord Sugar’s Digital Advertising company AmScreen has created the technology that Tesco will be abusing applying.
When the camera has identified your facial features, the software will determine your gender and age and show you an advertisement directed at your demographic.
Simon Sugar, Son of Lord bleated “It’s like something out of Minority Report” like it was a good thing. Poor Little Simon, growing up in AmTowers, never mixing with the peasants but peering at them through a microscope like ants in a jar. Simon will never know the intrusion of having his face scanned at a garage forecourt because he sees the world from the back seat of daddy’s chauffeur-driven Bentley.
“This could change the face of British retail” he enthuses “and our plans are to expand the screens into as many supermarkets as possible." Woah!
Tesco will install these cameras in all of its 450 petrol stations nationwide. This isn’t a suck-it-and-see exercise, it's a confident roll-out, they know this technology works and as its effectiveness is recorded it will be linked to Tesco’s ever-growing profits and deemed a success which means, indeed, that the screens will be implemented into as ‘many supermarkets as possible.’
Tesco are allaying our fears, pointing out this is not new technology. They’re right, of course, by the time you’ve driven to a Tesco petrol station chances are your number plate has been scanned somewhere along the way, merely pulling up at a pump means you are on numerous CCTV cameras, if you pay by credit card, your location and the time you were there is logged and if you collect the points on your loyalty card they even know which toilet paper you wipe your arse with.
Tesco are also saying the system is only going to recognise the most basic features like gender or age group. It will determine gender by length of hair. Should we believe this? Would they really go to all of this expense to roll out a system that would inadvertently advertise tampons to Lemmy? Shaving Foam to Dame Judi? Will it show a Regaine commercial to somebody undergoing chemotherapy? Won’t it be excruciating for a fat girl at the front of the queue to get a Slimfast advert? I think it’s hard to believe with technology so futuristic that they’ve used an application so basic.
Experts say advanced camera technology is already available, it can match scans of people's faces with their pictures on Facebook so when they walk into a shop they can potentially be confronted with advertising that matches up with their social media ‘likes’. This is just an extension of what is already happening online, the technology is available but Tesco are only rolling out a very basic version of it? Hmmm…
Of course, we could baffle the system by wearing a burka or balaclava - actually don’t wear a balaclava into a petrol station, the police will be on you in a heartbeat. Wear a burka, it’s much less likely to arouse suspicions - any self-respecting terrorist will tell you that. Actually, I hear a baseball cap covered in tin foil can successfully distort a CCTV image. Or there’s always face paints. What a wonderful supermarket trip it would be if all the customers looked like Tigers and Monkeys. Although once the Government realise the power of these screens they’ll employ them to recognise foreigners and all the Tigers and Monkeys will get “Go Home Now Or Face Arrest” warnings at the checkouts.
The worst thing is the application of this technology. Why aren’t these cameras being fitted at train stations and problem estates to catch thieves and drug dealers? Couldn’t Tesco fund the installation of these cameras in a thousand corner shops where the owners have to sit with a baseball bat behind the counter? Why is this technology being used to primarily sell us shower gel when it could potentially solve crime? Oh, of course, because the Lord gets a bigger Bentley.
We could always vote with our trolleys and do our shopping elsewhere. Let’s go back to what’s left of our High Streets. Your local butcher and baker won’t have facial recognition software, they don’t need it - they will remember you. They know what you like and they may recommend something new and it won’t be based on the length of your hair or the size of your girth, it will be because they have established a relationship with you and genuinely care about giving you quality products and good customer service. If the likes of Tesco invested as much in people as they did in technology, they may not have as many detractors. Like this guy, my hero of the week, who turned the tables and the cameras on Tesco - enjoy!
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