I Will Never Rely on The Post Office Again.

On Thursday I was working at a client's office on Holloway Road.  I took the opportunity to run round to the Post Office and mail out my Christmas cards.  I wanted some of those limited edition Christmas stamps they get children to draw for free under the guise of an exciting competition - Primark should take a leaf out of the Royal Mail's book and instead of getting in trouble for running sweat shops full of child slave labour, they should run 'competitions' to see who can make the trendiest T-shirt.  It's all about the marketing.  Anyway, I digress...

In order to get these stamps, I had to join the back of a very long queue.  A very long, smelly queue (We're not in Richmond anymore, Toto).  I try to enjoy the time away from my desk, I am in the middle of finalising some support materials for a client who has a pitch tomorrow and this is the breathing space I need before I go back and sign it off.  It takes about 20 minutes to reach a counter, in which time, I study the many posters and leaflets advertising the vast array of services the Post Office has to offer (piss-up in a brewery is strangely absent).  It is during this time I realise I can use the Post Office's Special Delivery service to courier the pitch materials down to my client in Bristol.  Brilliant, this puts my mind at rest.  I buy my slave-labour stamps and have a quick chat with the man behind the counter about the various courier options.  There is a Next-Day 9am Delivery option.  Perfect.  He also told me, to be on the safe side, to bring the package in before 5pm so it would definitely meet the pick-up.

I went back to the office and prepared the visuals for my client, I printed them all out on premium stock and rolled them up into a tough cardboard tube and sealed it with pride.  I was feeling particularly confident that I had done a good job for my client.   I ran back down to the Post Office with a spring in my step.  It was closed.  At 4.55pm. WTF???

The place was in darkness, they hadn't just shut up early, it looked like they'd been gone for some time.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  To check I wasn't going mad, I looked in the window for the opening times and sure enough, it said Monday-Friday 9.30am - 5.30pm.  I then looked on both doors for a sign or explanation - had there been a power cut, a robbery?  These things do happen.  There was nothing.  I checked my watch just in case the fault was mine - it wasn't, the branch had closed inexplicably early and there seemed to be no reason.  Damn.  I now have a situation, I need to find another Post Office and FAST.

I wasn't familiar with the area so had to go back to the office to search online for the next nearest branch.  It was now already too late to get there before it would shut.  Double Damn.  I was speechless.  Why had the Post Office shut early without warning?  This now caused me a massive problem.  How was my package going to get to Bristol before morning?  I'd left it too late to book a courier and a taxi or bike was now going to cost a small fortune.

I investigated on Twitter and it showed a couple of other people had been caught out by this particular branch's early closure.  I followed one of their complaints and it transpired the Holloway Road branch  had closed early due to industrial action.  I will not pass comment on this but I will pass comment on the way it was handled.  Industrial action is planned.  There was no notification of this branch being closed, there was nothing on the door or window when I turned up at 4.55pm, there was nothing on the walls or counters when I was in there in the morning and the counter staff who informed me of bringing in my parcel before 5pm didn't say anything about an early closure.  The whole thing was really badly managed and had massive implications for my business.

In the end, at such short notice, the only way I could make sure the package arrived in Bristol at an affordable price was to drive it myself and that's exactly what I did.  I will never rely on the Post Office to take care of an important document again.

One positive to come from this is discovering the array of alternative couriers who can match the Post Office for packages and deliveries.  Check out Hermes, Despatch Bay, MyParcelDelivery who all offer competitive pricing and delivery times to any of the Post Office services on offer.  There are also many plusses; they come and pick up from you (no more smelly queues) and every parcel can be tracked online.  They're not just an alternative to the Post Office, they're better.  Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that the Post Office is your only option.  It's not.

London Needs a New York State Of Mind.

I'm a patient person.  If I'm queueing for my cappuccino and I see the barista steaming ahead and trying his best to get all the lattes and paninis out as quickly as possible then I'm happy to wait.  If I have 4 people in front of me and he's mooching about like he's making his mum a cup of tea on a lazy Sunday morning then I'm mad.  I take my custom elsewhere.  The only way to get through to a company is to take your money out of their till.  If everyone did this, profits would go down and they would realise changes have to be made for the profits to go back up but as long as everyone puts up with shoddy service then the shoddy service will continue.

I endured for a long time, I'd gotten used to waiting in shops and cafes, to repeating myself to the member of staff as their English and/or confidence wasn't at the necessary level, I'd even gotten used to being served by people who could barely bring themselves to look me in the eye.  I'd basically gotten used to just putting my money in the company's coffers without so much as a thank you.  I had become conditioned to a world of corporate arrogance.

I recently went to New York City.  I promised my partner a Christmas shopping trip (a shopping trip is my worst nightmare... the things we do for love...)  New York City is BUSY.  The streets and stores are rammed.  People are bustling about laden with bags and lists.  Going into each store, I would get that familiar feeling of dread.  It was so busy, the queues were bound to be massive, the staff were going to be miserable and so was I...

The exact opposite happened, the shop staff were friendly and attentive.  We were greeted at many stores by smiling, smartly-dressed people.  Browsing the stores was a joy and the actual transaction at the till was a pleasant experience often with a conversation but ALWAYS with a 'please', 'thank you' and 'Have a nice day.'  It made a world of difference, I was happy to spend my money in that store.

Whilst eating out, we felt really looked after, nothing was too much trouble.  In London, if you ask for something as simple as a glass of water, you're lucky to get it sometimes.  In New York, if you are just stopping by for a coffee, you are made to feel welcome and you get your coffee topped up as many times as your bladder can handle.

I also had to go to a Post Office to get a money order.  I'll be honest, the local office in Greenwich Village had a pretty drab interior in serious need of a sweep and the queue was long but it was dealt with quickly and the clerk behind the counter was entirely helpful and polite and wished me a Happy Holiday.  I also had to go into a bank where I found the teller to be equally engaging.

New York City trumps London when it comes to customer service.  They are just as busy but they deal with it in a different way.  They keep the customer happy and when the customer is happy, they don't notice they have been stood in line for as long or perhaps that the three course meal was a little overpriced.   London has a lot to learn.

Why do we Brits put up with such bad service?  Is it our stiff upper lip that prevents us from making a scene?  Let's face it, it's embarrassing to speak up in a crowded restaurant or post office, even if you suspect that the thirty other people in your immediate vicinity share your point of view.  I've let a lot go in the past in fear of drawing attention to myself.

The only way we, as Londoners, are going to get better service is to speak up.  I suspect that New York gets a better standard of service because they point it out when they don't receive it.  They draw attention to the person providing the shoddy service - not themselves.  It's a different state of mind and one that Londoners need to learn.

Since my trip, I've started to speak up and I have received apologies, discounts and refunds - I have received a better standard of service.  This has given me confidence to continue complaining and I urge you all to do the same.

This blog didn't start out as a consumer blog, it evolved that way and the amount of hits it gets show that other people are interested.  Over the coming days, I will be highlighting some of my previous complaints and how the various companies responded.  Some have been outstanding, others have been beyond poor and I will be naming and shaming.  Stay tuned and do the same!  Complain, Complain, Complain!!!

Live Nation's Katy Perry X Factor Sponsored Tweet Faux Pas

If you're responsible for an international tour promoter's Twitter account, it may be a good idea to actually watch a singer's performance before using it as a marketing tool for their upcoming tour...

Katy Perry just had a screech-fest on the X Factor Live Final and Live Nation thought it would be a good time to sell some tickets for her forthcoming UK tour...

This was a perfect example of an ill-judged sponsored tweet.  An avalanche of tweets spewed forth... These are just a few from the first 4 minutes...  Enjoy... *bad language warning*

Quick! Get your tickets now! You'll be sorry when they're gone.

Scottish Power's Twitter Timeline is Full of Complaints.

Earlier this week, I had to contact Scottish Power over a small mistake on my bill.  I initially thought the easiest way to amend it would be to open my online account and submit the correction but it was impossible to sign into the website.  I assumed there was high traffic and thought I would try again the next day.  The website was still the same 24 hours later and, in case the fault was with me, I tried to register with another email address but that wasn’t possible either so I waited another 24 hours and the website was still unusable... that's when I decided to pick up the phone...  

Now, when I call any customer service number, I expect to wait a little bit…  that's fine...  while not ideal, 7-9 minutes has become the average wait time for some service providers at peak times.  I understand that lots of people are trying to get through, I’m prepared to wait a little bit, I have a pitch I can proofread while I’m waiting.

15 minutes of the most dreadful music later and I am still on hold.  I pass comment on Twitter.

Oh how naive that tweet seems now.  15 minutes is a mere flash.  After waiting a few more minutes, I decided to search Twitter to see if anybody else was on hold.  There was.  Here are a few.

Oh dear, some of these people have been holding for 45/55 minutes.  That's more than double my duration so far.  That seems utterly ridiculous.  These people are exaggerating, right?  There's no way people would hold for that long...

Being on hold is a weird thing.  Once you have gone past a certain period of time, it becomes a battle of wills, you can't give up, you've invested too much time and you have to see it through.  Also, you're convinced somebody will answer your call any minute as there's no way a big reputable company like Scottish Power would have such a long hold time as it's basically unacceptable.  

My call is finally answered at 50 minutes.  The customer service advisor asks me how she can help me, I begin by telling her how long I have been on hold, she doesn't apologise, she just says they are 'busy'.  So am I!  I don't have time to sit and listen to Ronan Keating for 50 minutes!  I tell the advisor my problem and she says 'I'm just going to pop you on hold'  NOOOOO!!!  Too late, she's gone and I'm now listening to Ed Sheeran.  A slight improvement.  Two songs later, she's back and my problem is sorted.  Now I can just put the phone down and forget about it... But I can't.

Fuel is expensive and essential, a very important requisite for modern living and we place our trust and our money with service providers to keep our homes and families warm and when that relationship begins to show flaws, it's unsettling.  It's taken an hour out of my very busy work day to sort the problem, that was never part of the deal.  If I am paying a large amount of money then I demand a better level of customer service.

Today, December 6th, Scottish Power are putting their prices up by 8.6% (on average).  This will add £113 to the average annual bill.  That's a lot of money for most households.

10% of your bill is spent on customer services.  That's an awful lot of your money to be sat on hold for 45 minutes.

  

Scottish Power have a Twitter account and it's constantly manned during office hours actively helping people with enquiries so I sent them one.

They didn't reply so over the course of the next couple of days I sent it twice more.  Still no reply.  I logged into Twitter last night to see if they had responded, they hadn't so I decided to do another Twitter search to see if people are still on hold.  A few were.

These are just a few of the tweets posted in a 3-hour window on the same day, there are many more.  And these are by people who are annoyed AND have a Twitter account.  The actual number of people hanging on the telephone is higher, the long hold time is testament to that itself.  

When companies exist on social media it's a great way to interact with customers and clients, keeping them bang up-to-date with news and offers.  It's a two-way conversation and a lot of companies handle it very well.  I use Twitter a lot and I'm familiar with leading brands and how they operate.  Any successful company is going to get a few complaints on their timeline, everyone from Vodafone to Gap get dissatisfied customers airing their complaints but those brands also get a lot of praise and fun tweets from people too.  

Scottish Power's timeline is almost all complaints and few of them are dealt with.  The worst thing isn't the actual length of hold duration (although it is maddening), it's Scottish Power's ignorance of it.  They don't apologise for their terrible customer service even though they are getting loads of messages on a daily basis (I've listed many more at the bottom of this blog).  A simple recognition would be nice, even if they tweeted a short apology and a reassurance they will get around to everyone soon.  Just what is going on at Scottish Power?  Why is the website unusable and why is Customer Services so woefully understaffed?  For one of the market leaders it is absolutely unacceptable.

So, I ask once again, Scottish Power, do you think that 45 minutes is an acceptable hold time for your customers?  Coz none of your customers do.

I love that the top two were so aggravated they back up their claims with photos.  Good work!

If you want to see many, many more complaints, head over to Twitter and search for Scottish Power.  If you are unhappy with the service, why not add your own?

Your Office Is Horrible and Your Clients Are Judging You

The perk of being a freelance is you never become bored with your surroundings as you flit about between clients.  The most familiar backdrop is the interior of a train carriage as you move about between meetings.  I get to see a lot of different offices and work environments and the one thing that often strikes me is how the hell do people manage to work there five days a week?

  

Some of them are so scummy and worn.  The trouble stems from familiarity, when you see the same space every day you don’t see the deterioration as it’s gradual, it’s similar to not knowing how old your wife is looking as you see her every day and it isn’t until your sister pays her yearly visit and points out how tired and old your wife is that you realise she is probably getting a bit grannyfied.  It’s the ageing process.  It’s completely natural but please be careful not to point it out to her.  If you take a look at your office in the same way, you will see it has passed it's sell-by date too.  It is also in dire need of a facelift. 

The first thing that hits me when I walk into an office is the smell.  Coffee is acceptable, curry is not.  If you don’t have a separate canteen and allow your staff to eat lunch at their desks, your office will stink.  There is no two ways about it.  Maybe not so much in the summer when people are snacking on salads but as the winter months move in, the reek of minestrone and daal is thick in the air and it’s not pleasant.

Clutter is another way to make your office unappealing to visitors.  If I walk into an office and there are files stacked up in the corner, twisted jumbles of cables, scraps of paper and yesterday’s Metro lying around then I assume you don’t organise your time well.  Are you coping with your workload?  Overflowing bins and shredders and ripped open reams of paper by the photocopier look bad.  If you think you’ll just leave it for the cleaner then you don’t really care about your office, you need to take more pride in your place of work.  

If it’s just you and your staff you can generally get away with it but if you have visitors to the office whether they are important clients or freelance staff then you need to tidy up a bit.  All those books on the floor speak volumes.

Am I an obsessive compulsive?  Not at all, you should see my house but when it comes to work, I always make sure I’m kitted out well to make a good impression. Quality threads, polished shoes, clean fingernails, I’m even careful about what I have for lunch before an afternoon meeting in case it makes my breath smell.  If I go to all that effort and then walk into an office that’s like TK Maxx on a Saturday afternoon, my expectations of that company fall.  Immediately.

Take a look at this blog with pictures of unique office surroundings of start-up companies.  Look at how inspiring they are.  Just for the record, I think half of these pictures are lies, they were taken before they were properly moved in to and became working offices, there is not a single trace of activity in some of them and they all look sparkly new but in the other half where the pictures are populated you can see work spaces that would fill a visitor with awe.  

It’s the little quirky things that make the difference.  Anybody can paint a wall a nice colour or think of funky names for the meeting rooms but the little quiet work areas where you can take you shoes off and lounge in the comfortable surroundings are brilliant, the swings and the telephone boxes are inspired.  I bet they get a better success rate in their meetings and an increased creativity from their staff than the cluttered offices with curried air-conditioning.

Granted, most of these offices are bigger companies who have the money to employ interior designers but in my personal experience here in London, it’s actually the smaller companies who make the effort creatively with their spaces, smaller workforces generally imprint their own personalities more effectively.  I’ve recently been in a management consultancy where they have trees with fairy lights and a children’s branding company full of beanbags, robots and toys - I didn’t want to leave either meeting.  I’ve also recently called in on bigger companies which had sterile workspaces like institutions and going by the staff at a TV production company I frequent, I felt like I was in one.  What is it with media luvvies?  They’re all barking.  I was also recently in a newspaper office and I felt like I was in 1970s Tehran, I was kind of hoping that Ben Affleck would break in and come and rescue me back to normality.

If your visitors feel like they want to leave as soon as possible, it’s obviously not great for your company profile.  Take a leaf out of these companies' books, you don’t need a massive budget, just a trip to Ikea and a bit of creativity (and a big cupboard to hide all of your tat in.)  It will make all the difference and it's actually a much nicer place for you to visit 5 days a week.

How The Bear and The Hare REALLY ended...

HaHa!  I love this, it's exactly what I thought the first time I saw the John Lewis Christmas campaign.   If you wake up a hibernating bear, you're going to have problems :)

How John Lewis Win The Christmas Race - A Simple Story

I came in to the lounge last night to find my teenage daughter in floods of tears.  What could possibly be wrong?  Had JLS split up AGAIN?  No, the cause of my daughter’s distress was the John Lewis Christmas Advert.

Yes, it’s official, the big brands have decided Yuletide has begun and they’ve all come out guns blazing in the fight for our festive funds.

Marks & Spencer want us to ‘believe in magic and sparkle’ with their glitzy fairytale featuring supermodels and Helena Bonham Carter.  Tesco show us one family’s Christmas journey through an Instagram filter soundtracked by Rod Stewart, Boots have their surly Smalltown Boy turned Secret Santa gifting the people that have helped him during the year, Iceland have the Gold Blend couple for the new millennium where boy meets girl but girl doesn’t know boy drives for Iceland yet and Sainsbury’s show us a series of fly on the wall Christmas scenarios, including some young children sending their dad a video message as he can’t make it home for Christmas… or so they think…

There are many other big brand Christmas campaigns - Asda have their snowmen, Waitrose have their farmer, Argos have their aliens and Morrisons have Ant & Dec but these have failed to capture the collective imagination  because they are lacking in something that all of the others have - Story.

My daughter isn’t the only person to cry along to a Christmas ad this year.  Brands have realised to grab an audience you have to connect with them emotionally.  And when it comes to this, one brand is King.  Step forward John Lewis (and their ad agency Adam & Eve).

This year’s ad features the animated tale of The Bear and The Hare.  Its arrival was heralded which saw it trending on Twitter before it had even aired on TV and word soon spread about the cute cartoon pals.  This is also a factor in John Lewis’s success, they understand that TV is no longer the monolith it once was.  A huge proportion of us get our information fix from our portable screens these days.  Premiering a much-anticipated ad on YouTube where people can watch at their convenience and immediately share it with their friends is an extremely savvy move that has helped them keep ahead in the festive race.  Because of this, by the time it premiered on TV in that very expensive X Factor slot, the buzz was sufficient to not only have people watching but paying attention too.  Top marks to all involved. 

Of course, the biggest budget PR campaign in the world wouldn’t work if the content was no good but John Lewis deliver the goods.  On every level.

An animation about woodland friends immediately captivates the younger audience but the clever thing about this ad is its style of animation.  It’s hand-drawn in an Old School 2D style reminiscent of 70s Disney and Watership Down, this lends it an air of nostalgia which shoots straight to the heart of those who grew up pre-CGI, i.e., the mums and dads with the money to spend in John Lewis.  

The first scene is captivating as a snowflake descends onto the bear’s nose heralding the dawn of winter and his hibernation period.  We share the hare’s disappointment as his best friend retreats to his cave to sleep through Christmas.  The hare then sneaks an alarm clock (presumably bought at John Lewis) into the cave and the bear awakens to discover all the joys of the Holiday season.  Yes, it’s twee but it’s genuinely engaging and it’s managed to connect with a wide audience through very simple storytelling.  Just what happens to the bear when he tries to start his year with a messed-up body clock is yet to be seen…

John Lewis successfully connects with a wide demographic by using cartoon animals to tell their story.  A couple of the aforementioned campaigns have come under fire for being very middle-class and free of ethnicity.  Seems they took the White Christmas brief too literally.   Telling a simple story with animal protagonists harks back to early forms of storytelling, it’s very Aesop-esque, most people can relate to the themes and emotions or, at the very least, are not alienated.  Also by having two very different species interacting, a bear and a hare, there is an underlying message of how we can all get along, regardless of race, upbringing, gender or religion.  There is also no dialogue so anybody can follow the story regardless of language or disability.  It truly is a story that could potentially engage anyone.  

The masterstroke in the ad’s success is the story doesn’t end with the advert.  It continues in your nearest John Lewis store where you can have your picture taken with The Bear and The Hare, eleven of their stores have caves so you can explore the characters’ world.  There is a book of the further adventures of the protagonists and you can also follow them on Twitter or buy Bear and Hare merchandise - Yes, you can buy merchandise of the characters in their advert.  Revenue from that and the royalties accrued from their YouTube hits enable a monstrous advertising spend - this is all very clever.  You can also go online and make a Christmas card of your family with the Bear and the Hare and send it to all of your friends, advertising John Lewis every step of the way.  They’ve even thought of those difficult teenagers with a competition on YouTube to record a cover of the ad’s soundtrack with the winning entry accompanying the ad on its Christmas Day airing.  Everything and everybody has been thought of in this campaign.  They have spin-off activities that cover every demographic.  It’s a cross-platform, multi-audience experience based on a cartoon bear and hare.  And it is working.

Most of the Christmas ads are good this year, some are great, they veer from the starry to the traditional, the trendy to the twee.  We are watching them on our TVs and our tablets and are talking about them with our families and colleagues but some of them stand out and why?  Good old-fashioned storytelling.  It’s been part of our society from way before we had mass communication and it’s good to see it not only surviving in this modern world but triumphing.  The simple story still resonates in a world of celebrity cameos and fly-on-the-wall footage.  People are beginning to switch off and fast forward due to information overload and it can be hard to grab their attention but the John Lewis campaign teaches us one very old lesson.  If you want people to listen, Tell them a story.

Smile! You're in Tesco!

And now we get the news that Tesco is rolling-out facial recognition scanners at its petrol stations so advertisements can be tailored to individual shoppers.  Big Brother, or in this case Alan Sugar, is definitely watching you.  Lord Sugar’s Digital Advertising company AmScreen has created the technology that Tesco will be abusing  applying.

When the camera has identified your facial features, the software will determine your gender and age and show you an advertisement directed at your demographic.

Simon Sugar, Son of Lord bleated “It’s like something out of Minority Report” like it was a good thing.  Poor Little Simon, growing up in AmTowers, never mixing with the peasants but peering at them through a microscope like ants in a jar.  Simon will never know the intrusion of having his face scanned at a garage forecourt because he sees the world from the back seat of daddy’s chauffeur-driven Bentley. 

“This could change the face of British retail” he enthuses “and our plans are to expand the screens into as many supermarkets as possible."  Woah!  

Tesco will install these cameras in all of its 450 petrol stations nationwide.  This isn’t a suck-it-and-see exercise, it's a confident roll-out, they know this technology works and as its effectiveness is recorded it will be linked to Tesco’s ever-growing profits and deemed a success which means, indeed, that the screens will be implemented into as ‘many supermarkets as possible.’

Tesco are allaying our fears, pointing out this is not new technology.  They’re right, of course, by the time you’ve driven to a Tesco petrol station chances are your number plate has been scanned somewhere along the way, merely pulling up at a pump means you are on numerous CCTV cameras, if you pay by credit card, your location and the time you were there is logged and if you collect the points on your loyalty card they even know which toilet paper you wipe your arse with.  

Tesco are also saying the system is only going to recognise the most basic features like gender or age group.  It will determine gender by length of hair.  Should we believe this?  Would they really go to all of this expense to roll out a system that would inadvertently advertise tampons to Lemmy?  Shaving Foam to Dame Judi?  Will it show a Regaine commercial to somebody undergoing chemotherapy?  Won’t it be excruciating for a fat girl at the front of the queue to get a Slimfast advert?  I think it’s hard to believe with technology so futuristic that they’ve used an application so basic.

Experts say advanced camera technology is already available, it can match scans of people's faces with their pictures on Facebook so when they walk into a shop they can potentially be confronted with advertising that matches up with their social media ‘likes’.  This is just an extension of what is already happening online, the technology is available but Tesco are only rolling out a very basic version of it?  Hmmm…

Of course, we could baffle the system by wearing a burka or balaclava - actually don’t wear a balaclava into a petrol station, the police will be on you in a heartbeat.  Wear a burka, it’s much less likely to arouse suspicions - any self-respecting terrorist will tell you that.  Actually, I hear a baseball cap covered in tin foil can successfully distort a CCTV image.  Or there’s always face paints.  What a wonderful supermarket trip it would be if all the customers looked like Tigers and Monkeys.  Although once the Government realise the power of these screens they’ll employ them to recognise foreigners and all the Tigers and Monkeys will get “Go Home Now Or Face Arrest” warnings at the checkouts.

The worst thing is the application of this technology.  Why aren’t these cameras being fitted at train stations and problem estates to catch thieves and drug dealers?  Couldn’t Tesco fund the installation of these cameras in a thousand corner shops where the owners have to sit with a baseball bat behind the counter?  Why is this technology being used to primarily sell us shower gel when it could potentially solve crime?  Oh, of course, because the Lord gets a bigger Bentley.

We could always vote with our trolleys and do our shopping elsewhere.  Let’s go back to what’s left of our High Streets.  Your local butcher and baker won’t have facial recognition software, they don’t need it - they will remember you.  They know what you like and they may recommend something new and it won’t be based on the length of your hair or the size of your girth, it will be because they have established a relationship with you and genuinely care about giving you quality products and good customer service.  If the likes of Tesco invested as much in people as they did in technology, they may not have as many detractors.  Like this guy, my hero of the week, who turned the tables and the cameras on Tesco - enjoy!